National holidays in Japan and New Zealand

A Japanese flower arranging teacher, Kuniko, explains to her Korean student Soo, who lives in New Zealand, that there are many national holidays in Japan.

...

Soo: And tomorrow is…?

Kuniko: Thanksgiving for Labor Day. And so people relax in front of TV watching chambara.

Soo: Which means?

Kuniko: Samurai drama.

Soo: That’s nice. A proud culture. Sometimes some cross-cultural exchange?

Kuniko: It’s a scene from the Seven Samurai.

Soo: Nice. A national holiday and everyone recalls their history.

Kuniko: Don’t you?

Soo: Well, yes, in Korea but there aren’t so many holidays downunder. But you sometimes get scenes like this.

Kuniko: Is baseball part of the national culture down there?

...

Sumo rigged?

Wakako and Hanako are lounging in front of TV with a preprandial.

Wakako: Ah, so nice to come home and watch a bout of sumo. So graceful. So Japanese.

Hanako: Centuries old.

Wakako: Aah.

Hanako: Final bout. Dejima?

Wakako: Oh I like Dejima, There they go. Oh no, unbelievable! Dejima lost again?

Hanako: Could be rigged.

Wakako: Rigged? Sumo rigged? Does Dejima look like he’s deliberately losing? No, it’s such a traditional sport. So clean. Look at all the salt they throw.

Hanako: Those Freakonomicists went through the data. Some pretty compelling stats.

Wakako: No!

Hanako: Oh, and two whistleblowers who named names and had been sumo wrestlers themselves, suddenly and mysteriously died within hours of each other, in the same hospital, both of respiratory malfunction. And get this, just as they were about to hold a press conference at the Tokyo Foreign Correspondents’ Club.

...

New Immigration Procedures Part 2

Lorna says she is leaving Japan. Leah feels left behind.

Leah: You can't do this. I mean just up and leave Japan with some of us still here.

Lorna: I am. I’m going. On the 19^th. The day before they start fingerprinting and photographing and interviewing all foreigners on entry and exit.

Leah: Smart as. And are they serious! The cameras and fingerprint machines are installed and ready to go.

Lorna: More than that, the big time-wasting will be when those immigration officials try to conduct the mandatory "interview" with Permanent Residents and Russian Tourists alike.

Leah: Can you imagine Japanese immigration officials conducting interviews in their Broken Immigration English. "What your reason you come Japan?" and a non-native, meaning anysomeone from Abu Dhabi to Zimbabwe, if they speak English, going "I have good reason, anysure, sure, you tell me thing, I tell you onegood."

Lorna: And the official gapes, then dives for his manual?

Leah: Right. Two minutes of page-turning rustling. And then he says, "Could you please once more repeat, more slow?"

Lorna: 10 minutes per immigrant. 20 immigration officials. While the jumbo jets continue disgorging 5000 non-Js into the immigration hall every hour. I mean have they done the math? I mean the sociolinguistic math?

Leah: Ah, chaos, chaos, chaos.

Lorna: You’re going out for new year aren’t you? Promise you’ll write me about your return.

Leah: If I come back.

...

Narita Immigration after November 20, 2007

A non-Japanese who has been permanent resident in the country for 24 years, lands at Narita airport and stands in the foreigner line for five hours. At last his turn comes.

Immigration Official: Place your right index finger here.

Permanent Resident: Why?

Immigration Official: Is new rule. If you enter country, you must be fingerprinted.

Permanent Resident: Where do you keep my fingerprint?

Immigration Official: In Central Records Computer.

Permanent Resident: In that case, you have my fingerprint already. I live here. I was fingerprinted when I applied for residency. I've just waited in line for five hours to have my fingerprint taken again?

Immigration Official: It's rule. We fingerprint all foreigners when they enter country. Otherwise you cannot enter country.

Permanent Resident: Why do you need it every time I enter the country? I’m a permanent resident. My fingerprints don’t change. It’s wasting your time and mine.

Immigration Official: Sorry, is rule.

Permanent Resident: What do you think about this rule?

Immigration Official: Sorry. I cannot say. Rule is rule.

Permanent Resident: Can I speak to the managing robot, please?

Immigration Official: Sorry, cannot. Come this way. We must deport you.

Permanent Resident: Why are you deporting me?

Immigration Official: You asked “Why.”

Not yette

Scene 16. Ma Nuit avec Yvette. Juliette is telling Yvette of her experiences booking a domestic ticket in a Japanese travel agency.

...

Juliette: One air ticket from Tokyo to Fukuoka. Domestic flight. It should have been simplicity itself.

Yvette: And it wasn’t?

Juliette: Step one: agent goes to one computer and looks up flights. Writes down a selection of flight numbers and departure times on a piece of paper and brings them back to the desk and shows me. I pick an evening flight the 19:05.

Yvette: No printout?

Juliette: No printout. So then she goes away again to another computer and types in my name, flight number, age and passport number, and it prints out an itinerary and she shows me.

Y: Not the ticket?

Juliette: Just the itinerary I say OK. Now she goes to a third computer and types in my name, flight number, age and passport number again.

Yvette: That’s for the ticket?

Juliette: No, that’s to check for seat availability. So now she comes back a fourth time, all this walking I’m surprised she’s not whistling ‘I love to go a-wandering’ and says there are seats available.

Yvette: Now You’ve got a ticket?

Juliette: Wait! She then fills in a form which is an application for the ticket. She takes it out to a back room and several minutes later comes back and says she will telephone when the ticket has arrived.

Yvette: And how long is that?

Juliette: Two days. Hi-tech computer systems? E-ticketing has not landed here yet.

...

Urashima and Kaguyahime

Urashima Taro. The young fisherman who rescued a turtle, he was taken to the palace of the sea king, as a reward. Thought he’d spent three days and wanted to go home. Princess says, OK, gives him a box, tells him never to open it. He gets back to his village, realizes he’s been away 300 years, opens the box, smoke comes out and he turns really, really old.

Why did he open the box?

It’s not clear.

Maybe you need to rewrite the ending to explain more for modern audiences.

Well, I did try. I had him going back, but he is invisible and no one can see him, he speaks but no one can hear him. He gets unbearably lonely, opens the box, becomes 300 years older, visible, but like a ghost, so now everyone is too afraid to speak to him.

Not bad. Urashima loses on a double bounce. Modern rewriting but still ghostly enough to be medieval.

Maybe a good one for the ghost story season just beginning.

Oh, speaking of which, there’s a new ending to Kaguyahime on TV.

On TV?

It’s an ad. All her servants come down from the moon and tell her she has to go back there. But she’s sitting in a nice room with a new air conditioner and she says, “I don’t want to go back. I like it here.” So they go away. But then they come back again.

In force this time?

No, no. This time they say, “We’re coming to stay with you. We don’t want to go back either. You have a nice place. We like your air conditioner.”

Hmm. Clever twist for modern life. Sometimes those old stories have ho-hum endings.

...

Japanese travel agency

One air ticket from Tokyo to Kumamoto. Domestic flight. It should have been simplicity itself.

And it wasn’t?

Step one: agent goes to one computer and looks up flights. Writes down a selection of flight numbers and departure times on a piece of paper and brings them back to the desk and shows me. I pick an evening flight the 19:05.

The last flight of the day?

Right. So then she goes away again to another computer and types in my name, flight number, age and passport number, and it prints out an itinerary and she shows me.

Not the ticket?

I say OK to the itinerary. Now she goes to a third computer and types in my name, flight number, age and passport number again.

That’s for the ticket?

No, that’s to check for seat availability. So now she comes back a fourth time, all this walking I’m surprised she’s not whistling ‘I love to go a-wandering’ and says there are seats available.

Now you’ve got a ticket?

Wait! She then fills in a form which is an application for the ticket. She takes it out to a back room and several minutes later comes back and says she will telephone when the ticket has arrived.

And how long is that?

Two days. That’s my experience of a hi-tech Japanese travel agency. E-ticketing has not landed here yet.