An Apple a day keeps work away

Ziortza is recounting to Bernice her problems with yet another American Designed Device (as in Attention Deficit Disorder).

...

Bernice: Problems?

Ziortza: Multiples. It’d got to the stage where I was using this brand new computer to sit on my desk and just display the time.

Bernice: A computer with a 2.4 Ghz processor, 3 gigabytes of memory and a 320 gigabyte hard drive and a 20 inch screen being used as a CLOCK?

Ziortza That’s all it could do. Installed the latest system called Leopard, ha that was a joke. It couldn’t even scare any applications into starting after installing it three times.

Bernice: Except the clock.

Ziortza: It could do the clock.

Bernice: So what did you do?

Ziortza: I called up the helpdesk. Spent four hours on there. Actually THAT bit was quite pleasant, chatting with these slightly robotic businesslike vocal avatars. Techie, intelligent, polite.

Bernice: What more could you wish for?

Ziortza: Er, a working computer? An Apple man is coming to pick it up on Thursday. That’s why they advise you to sign up for AppleCare. It’s not “if it can go wrong, it will go wrong”. More like “when it goes wrong on the first day out of warranty…”

...

HelpDesk

Hello. This is Jonathan on Help. How may I be of assistance to you today?

The computer is broken.

To begin with sir I will need to trouble you for your product code.

It’s an XH1147.

Thank you. Now could you give me your name, your date of birth, your email address and your car licence plate.

It’s Steven, born 24 Feb 1955. My email is steve@apple.com. I don't have a licence plate on my car.

Thank you sir, for your patience in answering those questions. Now, could I just ask you to describe the nature of the problem, what it is or is not doing?

The light’s gone out.

You have told me the light has gone out, sir. That is a good start. Now, which light would that be sir?

The light in the screen.

So you can’t see anything on the screen?

I want to know how to get the light inside back on again.

If I may trouble you to tell me, sir, could you check first that it is plugged in?

I did. It is.

Thank you, sir. You have been very helpful. Now if you would be so kind could you tell me if the small pilot lamp is glowing at the bottom right-hand corner.

No. There is no light.

Sir, the next check is a little tricky so I must ask you to listen carefully. Put your hand on the switch, the one marked “power” and press it in the opposite direction so it clicks.

I’m doing that. I have a result. Oh, the light inside came on. I can see clearly now.

That sounds like we’ve solved the problem, sir. Now, if you have a pencil handy, could I trouble you to write down the case number: 486-386. My name is Jonathan. Thank you for your patience. You have a good day, sir.