Potato varieties

Juanita sells potatoes in the village twice a week.

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Tourist: They’re all potatoes?

Juanita: All.

Tourist: You have more than we have in Ireland.

Juanita: Three thousand sorts more up the mountain.

Tourist: I gotta go there.

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Incandescent vs energy saving light bulbs

Incandescent light bulbs will soon be hard to get.

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Customer: How does a traditional light bulb and an energy saving light differ in their light?

Salesman: Look. Incandescent. Warm. Uses a lot of electricity. Heats up. Energy saving light bulb. Cool. 8 watts puts out the equivalent of 40. Saves you energy. :Last longer.

Customer: The cool light looks harsh. Give me two incandescent lamps.

Salesman: They’re going to be illegal from next year. Energy policy.

Customer: In that case give me two dozen. Gets on my nerves, that harsh light.

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Beginning, middle, end

Aristotle outlines his theory of storytelling.

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Aristotle: A story has three parts. A beginning, a middle and an end.

Theophrastus: Give us an example.

Aristotle: There were some frogs living in a pond. They wished for a leader. So the god threw a log into their pond. SPLASH! The frogs were terrified. Gradually, they lost their fear and climbed onto the log. It didn’t move, they began to despise it. They asked the god for a stronger leader. A stork came. The stork began to eat the frogs. They regretted their dissatisfaction.

Theophrastus: Where is the beginning? Where is the middle? Where is the end?

Aristotle: Simple. Reducing the story to its elements, we have: Beginning: frogs bored in pond. Middle: frogs despise log. End: frogs eaten by stork.

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Snakes and Ladders

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Red: I win!

Blue: I saw what you just did.

Red: I rolled the dice, fair and square. It came up one, so that got me from 99 to 100. I win!

Blue: You rolled it real slow. You cheated!

Red: I roll slow every time.

Blue: You seem to win every time.
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Whatever it was

Bill is walking along the street.
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Says to himself: I'm not going to forget.

He gets to the shop.

"Yes?" "I - er. Sorry. Nothing."

Seems when he most wants to remember, that's when he forgets.
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Conversation at Pantip

Trev goes to pick up yet another computer he asked to have an antivirus program installed in, but...

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Trev: Could you install McAffee?

Woody: We tried. But your operating system doesn't allow it.

Trev: But the operating system is genuine.

Woody: That's the problem. By the way, do you know a company called Lemon?

Trev: You mean Lehman Brothers?

Woody: They say Bangkok Bank had bought a lot of their shares and now people can't get their money out.

Trev: You have a Bangkok Bank account?

Woody: Mm. And I just got a life insurance policy with AIG. 30,000 baht per year.

Trev: News doesn't look good. But sit tight a bit. See what effect the 85 billion infusion has. Pull out now and you could lose your shirt.

Woody: And pull out later and I could lose my pants!

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Virus

Trev drops his computer into a repair center in Pantip.

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Trev: There's a virus. Autorun-DR I think it's called.

Woody: Let's take a look.

Trev: I've tried getting rid of it with AVG but it keeps coming back.

Woody: Come back in 20 minutes.

(30 minutes later...)

Trev: Done?

Woody: We found dozens. Have to reformat.

Trev: AVG only found one virus.

Woody: Can we keep it overnight? It's a long job.
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Jump

Beaches are not usually places for deep or extended conversations.
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Jump!

Jump?

When you’re ready.

Whee. Get it?

Got it.

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It all hinges on intonation

Remington tries out an idea for a scene in a film scenario he is writing.
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Remington: Very simple opening. Grey lays his T shirt collection on the bed.

Grey asks: "Green?"

Rose responds, half concurring, "Green? Hmmm."

Grey says, indecisively, "Green. Ah."

And Rose decides, "Green. Yes. Green."

Editor: A film scene with one word repeated five times? Five times in four lines?

Remington: It all hinges on intonation.
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Dialogue

Jirat protests that William sees the problem as an outsider.

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Jirat: The underlying problem is that there is corruption among those in power.

Wiliam: But you have elections. Honest ones. It’s not Zimbabwe.

Jirat: In the rural areas, candidates from the rich parties buy votes.

William: So they don’t win by the policies they promise.

Jirat: We have to say something. We have to protest.

William: So you cut off water and power to government offices and close the airports.

Jirat: But as we protest, we compromise. We realize that this suggests an unstable country, upsets the markets, makes tourists nervous.

William: So there’s little likelihood of an Iraq or Afghanistan scenario?

Jirat: We can do dialogue.

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Physique

Vanessa, impressed by Vladimir’s physique, asks how he attained it.

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Vladimir: Yoga.

Vanessa: Classes?

Vladimir: Six times a week.

Vanessa: Dedicated. Expensive?

Vladimir: Not expensive.

Vanessa: Is the school near here?

Vladimir: Is far.

Vanessa: I’d like to learn.

Vladimir: This yoga not for ladies. Is full-on.

...