Recent migrants and no know DIY

“I need to call a carpenter.”

“What for?”

“Fix the steps. They rotted.”

“But you can do it yourself.”

“Haven’t any wood.”

“Bet you have a few sticks lying around. What’s this under the deck? Couple of four by twos. Look, knock the nails out, cut to length, and Bob’s your uncle.”

“Haven’t any tools.”

“God, you’re a hopeless case. All you need is a hammer, a saw, a square and a pencil. It’ll only take a jiffy. Here, use these.”

“Never done this before.”

Sigh. Sound of banging and cutting for ten minutes.

“See, that’s done the trick. Bit of borer but they’ll see you over the
next three or four years. By that time you might have bought some tools.”

“I’m thinking of taking a night class and getting a certificate.”

“Ha. Next thing I’ll hear is we’ll all need a licence to do our own home repairs.”